I Have

I have been
looking everywhere
for something
that is right
in front of me
never realizing,
what you were
or what you
could be.
I have passed
the days wondering
why you are still here
in my crazy world,
constantly wondering
why you came back
never tearing down
my walls
but reaching through
my covered veil.
I have wasted
the days away
fighting with you
to keep you
from crossing the veil,
picking fights
that even I do not
know the reason to,
while being angry with you
without any reason
only terrified
of the emotions
you arise in me
that could lead
to happiness.
I have wondered
many days
if this is something
that I really
feel that I need
to be saved from,
so I can be alone
always alone
weeping for something
that I don't have
deluding myself that
this is happiness.
I have pushed
you away many days
terrified of you
stepping past my veil
revealing me
to be vulnerable
to you
craving your touch,
again wondering
why you are still here
and if I still have you.