Wednesday, February 16, 2011


This is still a work in progress. All feed back is appreciated.

She is standing
by a broken tree
looking at her
broken wings
on the ground
her heart breaking
the world raging.
Her cry
disrupted the sky
wings broken
unable to fly.


  1. I really like what you have so saying this is a work in is all depends where you see her and her broken wings as to how you will complete it...

    Just a note...your poem The me is classic and it think of it often...bkm

  2. Short compact, powerful lines full of emotion and very clear to picture through the images.

  3. conceptually its the repitition of borken all the way through the on this...

  4. Work in progress? I would call this a completed poem, an angel burdened with "the world raging" around her as "Her cry
    disrupted the sky
    wings broken
    unable to fly."

    Powerful and calls to remembrance the cry of Jesus as he prayed "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
    The feeling of destitution, emptiness, aware that you are powerless...I like this a lot!

  5. Dear Laura Lynn

    Ahh!... so poignant.. I could picture it all.. thanks for sharing...

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter @VerseEveryDay

  6. I like it as is. I think there is a difference between a poem having "room to improve" (which is common) and one that desparately NEEDS to be improved. This one here might fall into the former category but definitely NOT the latter. Each time I read it, I love it more.