I really like what you have so far...you saying this is a work in progress...it is all depends where you see her and her broken wings as to how you will complete it...Just a note...your poem The Boy...to me is classic and it think of it often...bkm
Short compact, powerful lines full of emotion and very clear to picture through the images.
conceptually its good...play the repitition of borken all the way through the heart...build on this...
Work in progress? I would call this a completed poem, an angel burdened with "the world raging" around her as "Her cry disrupted the skywings broken unable to fly."Powerful and calls to remembrance the cry of Jesus as he prayed "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"The feeling of destitution, emptiness, aware that you are powerless...I like this a lot!
Dear Laura LynnAhh!... so poignant.. I could picture it all.. thanks for sharing...ॐ नमः शिवायOm Namah Shivayahttp://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-night-along-sea.htmlTwitter @VerseEveryDay
I like it as is. I think there is a difference between a poem having "room to improve" (which is common) and one that desparately NEEDS to be improved. This one here might fall into the former category but definitely NOT the latter. Each time I read it, I love it more.